


Things That Never Were

by Tamoline



Category: Ars Paradoxica (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Or at least it's entirely intended to be fit into the Polvo arc, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7986991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamoline/pseuds/Tamoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esther might be queer, but she's not stupid. Polvo's entirely too small a town to let anyone know about her preferences.</p><p>Anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [facingthenorthwind](http://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegandalf/pseuds/facingthenorthwind) for betaing for me.

Esther headed out into the chill night-time air for a cigarette. She was generally an occasional smoker, but the stresses of the last week - involving a particularly stubborn auxiliary add-on focussing unit to the Timepiece - had driven her to keep a packet on hand. Not to mention that it was as good an excuse as any to leave the stuffy laboratory, especially because Sally had decided once again that the lab was a no smoking zone. She lit a cigarette, inhaled for a moment, then exhaled and did her best to let her problems drain out of her along with the smoke, drifting upwards towards the crescent of the moon hanging above the town.

“Spare a cigarette?” a voice suddenly asked. Esther didn’t jump, her facade intact, her control mastering her reflexes - but it was a near thing.

Likewise, she didn’t glare at the person who had surprised her, disturbing the calm of the evening. You didn’t glare at your boss, after all. Not if you were a woman, and would doubtless be labelled shrewish. She did risk a raised eyebrow in Dr Grissom’s direction though. “I thought you had given up,” she asked, risking a little archness. “I thought that it was going to stick this time.”

Dr Grissom’s eyes were exaggeratedly wide, pleading, as ridiculously expressive as ever. “In the words of the great Lizzie Chan, I have decided to quit quitting.”

“Whatever you say, Dr Grissom,” she said and proffered the pack in Dr Grissom’s direction. “Who’s Lizzie Chan?” she asked.

She expected maybe one of her small town stories that she’s never read, small town celebrities that she’s never heard of, maybe nothing at all, one of Dr Grissom’s not infrequent guarded silences. Anything but, “The girlfriend of one of my college roommates,” in an off handed tone. “She may not have been a close personal friend, but she certainly had a way with words. She may not have been talking about cigarettes, precisely, but - regardless - the point remains.”

Another piece in the puzzle that is Sally Grissom was her first thought. Even after having worked for her for years, those were still few and far between, and she couldn’t deny that she savoured every one that she came across. For someone who seemed to have absolutely no problem talking about (almost) anything and everything, she was surprisingly reticent about her life prior to Polvo.

Then the specifics of what she’d said hit her, and she almost dropped her cigarettes. Her roommate’s girlfriend? Had she somehow roomed with a man? 

No, that was ridiculous.

But… but… who would admit to sharing a room with a lady with those interests? Surely not even someone as unconventional as Dr Grissom would admit to that in general company.

Cold gripped her insides as she considered that maybe Dr Grissom was trying to indicate that she didn’t consider Esther general company.

Apparently it was enough to bore straight through her facade. “What?” Dr Grissom asked, holding her cigarette up to be lit. Esther fumbled for her box of matches, unable to stop her hands shaking enough that she broke three matches before managing to get one alight.

“Your roommate’s girlfriend?” she asked as she lit Dr Grissom’s cigarette. Maybe this was just all some kind of misunderstanding.

“Yes,” Dr Grissom said, inhaling deeply. 

“Your female roommate?” she tried again, a little desperately.

“Yes,” Dr Grissom snapped. “My female roommate.”

Trapped, caught between the instincts that had kept her safe all her life and what her boss very obviously wanted her to say, she stalled. “I’m- I’m not sure what to say to that.”

“I know that-“ Dr Grissom started, then apparently changed her mind halfway through the sentence. “I know that it probably isn’t a popular opinion around here, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a lady having a girlfriend.”

Esther felt her heart seize, like it was trying to rip itself in two. “You mustn’t say things like that. People might think that-“ To her considerable chagrin, she found her hand flapping rather than being able to finish the sentence.

“I’m not exactly normal? Queer?” Dr Grissom jutted her chin forward pugnaciously, eyes flashing. “So what if am?”

Esther, unable to answer that, unable to even think about that, unable to face her for one more minute, dropped the remains of her cigarette, crushed it underfoot and scuttled inside.

* * * * * * * *

Esther’s stomach clenched as she approached the lab the next morning, after a night spent tossing and turning. Would Dr Grissom try and carry on last night’s conversation this morning as well? 

Worse, would she do so when Jack - or anyone else - was around? If it was anyone else, she’d trust that they’d have at least some discretion. With Dr Grissom, she could never be quite sure.

She relaxed a little as she saw the lab was empty and walked over to her desk to continue working on the knotty problem from the night before. It seemed like she had just gotten herself really wrapped up in it when her concentration was broken by an excited, “Hey!” from Dr Grissom who had apparently entered the lab whilst she was occupied.

Dread lurched within her. What was Dr Grissom going to do now?

“I’ve got an idea about that unit you’re working on,” Dr Grissom said cheerfully, and Esther almost collapsed in relief.

Crisis averted, at least for the moment.

Rewiring the unit in accordance with Dr Grissom’s inspiration unfortunately gave her time to think, and she picked at the conversation last night like a fresh scab. The way Dr Grissom had spoken about being queer, like it wasn’t something to be ashamed of, kept secret, that could destroy your life if it ever got out… Sometimes, Esther swore, it was like Dr Grissom was an alien from another planet.

Finally the unit was done. They plugged it into the Timepiece, flipped the switch and…

The lights went out.

“I think that’s a good sign. We’re getting closer,” Dr Grissom’s voice called out. “Uh, will someone go get an electrician?”

“I will,” Esther said and started shuffling towards the exit.

“Thanks, Roberts,” Dr Grissom said at the same time Jack said, “Thanks, Esther.”

Once outside, it was still light enough that getting around wasn’t a problem and she briskly walked over to the electricians’ hut and knocked on the door. “Lab 51,” an apparently hilarious in-joke according to Dr Grissom, which she refused to share, “We’ve blown the fuses again.”

Mercy looked up from a card game that she and several of the other electricians were playing around the table. “Sounds like they’re playing my song,” she said, folding her cards and sliding the cash in front of her into a pocket.

Esther didn’t let her expression change one jot, but Mercy Vela, with her sideburns shaved over her ears and her distinct swagger, was among the last people she’d hoped to associate with just at the moment. The woman was only a few dropped hairpins from having her hair completely down.

“Thanks,” was all she said as Mercy fetched her kit.

“Not a problem,” Mercy said, flashing her a smile. “Thought I’d let these losers stew over what’s left of the pot now I’ve cashed out,” she added loudly, to the groans of her compatriots.

It was alright for Mercy, Esther simmered as they walked back towards the lab, Esther keeping a careful distance between them. Hardly anyone really looked at the support staff in Polvo, and if they did, they were probably only glad that they had an electrician of Mercy’s calibre working there. Half the electricians would probably walk if she was dismissed. And if she was, she could easily find another job elsewhere.

For Esther, it was different. It had been hard enough getting a doctorate as a woman, let alone securing one in a top secret installation like this. And now that she was one of the top people in the indisputably most important project in town? She could name a dozen scientists, easy, who would just love to replace her and there were undoubtedly a hundred more that would love to get her dismissed. And any hint of ‘unfeminine’ activities would be just the ticket they’d need.

And being dismissed would be the very, very best case scenario in that event. Director Donovan and his goons would almost undoubtedly decide that she knew too much. In that case, if she was lucky, she’d just be imprisoned somewhere until they thought it safe to let her out. But more than likely, her body’d be left in a quiet place in the desert, where no one would ever find her.

And even in the utter best case, she’d still be ruined. Rumour would spread throughout her field, and she’d be ruined. All the work she’d put in, all the sacrifices - gone. And she’d never get them back.

So it was all very well for Mercy and whatever girl she was dandling on her knee, but Esther couldn’t afford that. Probably could never afford that. And part of her hated Mercy for having that freedom, especially at the moment.

Thankfully, Mercy didn’t try and engage her in conversation past a few questions Esther answered as briefly as she could and took her leave as they approached the lab. Dr Grissom and Jack were standing outside - Dr Grissom scribbling away furiously on a pad whilst Jack resignedly held a flashlight illuminating her. If Dr Grissom noticed the company she’d come back in, she thankfully didn’t say anything.

She propped herself against the wall and let out a long breath, looking up at the stars above them, and tried to clear her mind of everything, just for a moment.

“Are you alright?” Jack asked. Quietly, but he disturbed the calm nonetheless. Looking over at him, he was indeed looking back towards her, his expression indecipherable in the gloom. Below him, Dr Grissom scribbled on, her pencil scratching against the paper. “You’ve been quieter than usual all day,” he added after a minute.

Did he know, was her first thought, quickly stifled. She wasn’t sure if he could see her, but she gave him a careful smile regardless, calculated to be just a notch or two dimmer than usual. “Sorry,” she said. “Stomach ache.”

He winced at even a potential coded reference to menses, as she’d known he would, but her attention was drawn to the non-sound where the scribbling had been a moment before. Was Dr Grissom going to call her on her evasion? Maybe even talk about what had happened the night before? With *Jack* here?

“Wyatt,” she said instead. “Torch,” and Esther noticed with a surge of relief that left her weak at the knees that when Jack had winced, he’d moved the focus of the flashlight away from the pad.

“Sorry, Dr Grissom,” he said, sounding embarrassed, and refocussed the light.

After that, thankfully no one really seemed to be in the mood to talk. A short while later, with a hum, the lights in the lab turned back on and Dr Grissom bounced back to her feet. “Onwards!” she said. “I think I’ve figured out where we’ve been going wrong!”

Esther gave a small wave to the shadowy figure of Mercy as she walked away - just to be polite - and followed Dr Grissom in.

* * * * * * * *

“And how about you, dear? Eleanor asked, all poisonously sweet. “Managed to catch the eye of a young man yet?” Doubtless a Christian young man at that.

Esther smiled politely back. Her luck at being overlooked could only last so long, it seemed. “Unfortunately, my job at the lab is still keeping me far too busy,” she said, and took a sip of her drink. 

There was some generalised tut-tutting amongst the other women in response. “That woman works you far too hard, Esther,” Mary Cooke said to general assent.

Esther said nothing in response, which she knew would be taken as tacit agreement. But it was almost a week after the incident, as Esther had taken to thinking of it, and her nerves around Dr Grissom were only just calming down, so she thought, a little maliciously, that Dr Grissom could take the heat.

“I heard that she got Michael Aster fired last week,” Eleanor said conspiratorially.

More likely his drinking habit got him fired, Esther thought a little uncharitably. But Dr Grissom had actually complained about something everyone had already known, so she’d made it real and so she’d been the reason he’d had to go. Not that it had made getting treated materials for the lab any easier, given who Michael had been friends with.

“What do you think?” Lisa asked.

“I’ll miss seeing him around,” she lied politely. She wasn’t exactly going to complain about not having to dodge his wandering hands whenever he made a delivery, not that she could say that to anyone here.

Of course, this particular group weren’t especially favourably inclined to the good doctor at the best of times. The only person present who had gained at all with the arrival of Dr Grissom was Esther herself, and even that had been uncertain for the longest of times. When she’d turned up, suddenly head of the newly most important project in Polvo, no one had heard of her, no one had known what to make of her. Common consensus had been that she would be a flash in the pan, as quickly gone as she had arrived.

Esther receiving the job as her assistant hadn’t exactly been a prestige appointment. Not that it had helped her stock any.

Helen Partridge, centre stage as always, elected to remain above the complaints, sipping from her drink instead. Upon first arrival, she’d been Dr Grissom’s fiercest critic and Esther had regularly had to bad mouth her boss to not be shunned completely. That had quietened down since her husband and Dr Grissom had become friends, but that truce seemingly didn’t extend to defending the doctor’s good name.

“Have we decided what date the potluck will be?” Katherine interceded, and Esther couldn’t help flashing her a grateful smile as she finally redirected the conversation away from her. It wasn’t as though she minded relaxing socially with people, but that wasn’t exactly what this was. She had to… put in time with women of the appropriate standing, be friendly, fit in. She wouldn’t want to be thought to be overly masculine, after all, and in a community this size, everyone knew what everyone else was - or was not - doing. She couldn’t afford to stand out.

Not that this was the worst group of normal women she’d ever had to fit in with. At least here, no one questioned her about why she had to work. If you were in Polvo, you were either working, married to someone working, or you were gone.

And there were some actually good people here too. Mary, Katherine, even Helen on occasion. And at least here, she could stop worrying about the lab for a little bit.

* * * * * * * *

She was staring out a train window blankly when something finally clicked into place.

It had been a month since the incident, and Esther was on the way back to Polvo from New York. She’d been officially visiting her mother, but she’d also managed to eke out enough time to visit the Howdy Club and let her hair down for a bit, and Esther was almost feeling relaxed in her skin for once. Maybe that’s why she was able to think about their late night talk, instead of just repressing any acknowledgement of it as hard as she could.

Dr Grissom had never brought it up again. Maybe she’d considered the matter over. Maybe she’d even forgotten about it entirely. Esther really couldn’t say.

It was hard not to feel envious about that, that Dr Grissom could say something like that and not have it weigh on her afterwards, that she felt she had that freedom. That she was important enough that she could get away with it.

But maybe it wasn’t that at all, she suddenly realised. Dr Grissom was so odd, used such strange idioms - maybe she had been dropping hairpins of her own sort since she'd gotten there and Esther simply hadn't noticed. Maybe she'd been so... so rash not because she felt she was free to, but because she was desperate.

It wasn't as though she had much else in the way of single female companionship, after all. And with her travel ban, it wasn't even as though she could travel out of Polvo to find a club.

Of course, it was completely possible that Esther was misreading the situation. But now that the thought had occurred, she couldn't unthink it. It wasn't until she got back to the lab, though, with Dr Grissom behind her desk cluttered with paper and gadgets, both fully constructed and not, that it really hit her. Like a visual illusion, she looked and didn't just see Dr Grissom, her irritating boss who happened - somehow - to be female, but Dr Grissom the woman, who might - just might - be reaching out for some kind of companionship.

She’d have to be careful, she decided. Trusting in Dr Grissom’s tact and circumspection would be a little like trusting in an ice cube in the desert.

But maybe she could do a little judicious reaching out of her own.

Maybe.

* * * * * * * *

"Would you like a cup of coffee?” Esther asked, smiling, as she made her way over to Dr Grissom. It was late, late enough that Jack had left the lab, leaving the two of them alone, so Esther permitted herself to advance slightly closer than she would if there was anyone else around.

It was part of a dance she had slowly, carefully started moving in ever since she had returned from New York. Dr Grissom hadn’t dropped any pins in response - not really, not with any degree of certainty - but that was hardly the point of the exercise, was it?

Wasn’t it?

Dr Grissom looked up from the circuit diagram she was hunched over and smiled back, with an air of faint surprise that intermittently manifested whenever she caught Esther giving her a genuine smile. It hurt her a little, knowing that she hadn’t exactly helped build Dr Grissom’s expectations any higher.

“I think you of all people asking that is probably a sign that we should knock off for the evening, Roberts,” she said dryly. “I don’t know about you, but my mind could probably benefit from doing something else for a while.”

Esther permitted herself a slight smirk. “Is that an order, Dr Grissom?” she asked, slightly teasingly.

Dr Grissom rolled her eyes. “I think at this point in the day you can call me Sally,” she said.

Really? Esther wanted to ask. Dr Grissom - Sally - had always been so adamant in being referred to by her title and surname that it felt a little like clashing gears to try and think of her any other way. But there was something almost fragile about the offer that made her not want to question it for fear of it being retracted. She settled for a joke, instead. “I’m not sure I could quite handle that,” she said. “What about Dr Sally?”

Dr Grissom grimaced. “And that just makes me sound like a presenter on day-time Lifet- uh,” she stopped. “Like a- a snake-oil style doctor, all friendly and approachable and capable of solving all of your problems for a low, low price.”

Esther giggled. “Well, we can’t have that, can we? I guess Sally will have to do. As long as you call me Esther, of course.”

Dr Gr- Sally clapped her on the shoulder. “Then, Esther, I believe that we decided that it was time to leave this old place behind.”

Esther, trying to ignore the slight tingling from the contact, mustered up her courage. “If you’re not quite ready for bed, I do have a bottle of white wine from my last visit to New York still in my room. If you’d like to help stop me from becoming a lush…”

Dr- Sally looked at her searchingly for a minute before breaking into a huge grin. “I’d be delighted to, my dear Roberts.” She screwed up her eyes. “Esther, Esther. I’ll get there, I swear.”

Esther linked their arms and started walking off in the direction of her lodgings. “Maybe I should make you take a drink for every time you call me by my surname…”

Sally made a face. “I’m not sure adding alcohol will exactly help with that.”

“Then you’d better learn before I find out exactly how much tolerance for alcohol Sally has.”

“I’m doomed,” Sally said, not sounding amazingly perturbed by the idea. ‘Completely doomed.”

* * * * * * * *

Sally was sprawled precariously on the top of the Timepiece, head and shoulders disappearing down into its innards intent on some repair only she could do. Posterior high up in the air.

Sally’s ass was high in the air, and Esther found that she couldn’t drag her eyes away.

“What odds will you give me that she’s going to fall in?” Jack asked and Esther literally jumped in the air a few inches.

Ice flooded her stomach, but when she looked, he wasn’t looking at her suspiciously, or with disgust, or like he’d just caught her ogling her boss’ ass. He was just smirking in the direction of Sally, and she felt herself relax.

“I heard that, Wyatt,” came Sally’s muffled voice. “Don’t think I won’t remember it for this year’s review.”

“Hey,” he said mildly. “I never said that I’d bet against you.”

Esther ignored him, only able to concentrate on the sense of impending doom swirling around her innards.

Oh god. She found Sally attractive.

She really wasn’t ready for this realisation.

Sure, drinks had become a regular thing between them. At first once a week or so, but lately it’d been twice a week. Sometimes more - Sally really needed some more friends. And sure, Sally’d pretty much as said that she was queer.

But this?

Nonononononono. No.

Everyone knew what everyone else did in this town. The last thing that Esther could afford was a mistake of this magnitude.

But even this realisation didn’t quite stop her sneaking another quick peek at the sight in front of her before she busied herself with something else.

* * * * * * * *

It was her birthday, and Esther’d come to a conclusion as she walked down the street to the lab.

Fuck this town. Fuck being afraid. Fuck just waiting around and hoping nothing would happen.

Tonight. She was going to talk to Sally tonight. Neither of them had quite let their hair down, but they’d been getting there, and tonight…

“Esther,” Mary said. “Happy birthday! How are you?”

Esther stopped, train of thought derailed, then smiled back at her. “Lovely, thank you. And you?”

“Can’t complain. My back’s acting up a little, but apart from that… Where have you been recently?”

“Work,” Esther said, unable to come up with a better excuse on the spur of the moment. She felt guilty for lying to her - Sally had been taking up most of what spare time she had - and felt even more guilty when she saw Mary frown, knowing who she’d blame for that. She reached out and touched her. “But I’ll be sure to make time tomorrow for you and the others. I would say tonight,” she added dryly, “But there’s a surprise party that I’m not supposed to know about.” Jack, bless him, couldn’t keep a secret from her to save his life.

“It’ll be good to catch up,” Mary agreed.

“Well,” she said, giving Mary a quick hug. “I really must be off.”

“Look after yourself,” Mary said as Esther gave her a distracted wave and hurried off.

Tonight. After the party of course, but tonight.

She had to keep reminding herself that it might not work out, that Sally - queer or not - really might not be interested in her that way, but she couldn’t quite make herself believe it. She was going to invite Sally back after the party and finally fully let her hair down with her. Just the thought, the anticipation, was enough to give her a mixture of dizziness and vertigo!

Luckily she was a poised woman, a doctor of repute, otherwise she might have been tempted to skip to the lab this morning. 

And she tried to bury the part of her that whispered that becoming the girl of the irreplaceable Dr Grissom wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing…

“Dr Roberts,” said a gravelly voice and Sally blinked. There was a man in a military uniform, all whipcord and sinew, leaning against the side of a building smoking, eying her levelly.

Her stomach lurched in a completely different fashion and she abruptly felt cold. “Yes, Mr…?”

“Whickman. Chet Whickman,” he rose to his feet. “You don’t have to worry, ma’am. The director would just like a quiet word with you.”

Esther plastered a smile across her face. “Of course,” she said, almost chirping, “Thank you,” and started walking in the direction of his office. 

Chet Whickman fell in behind her. This failed to make her feel any better.

* * * * * * * *

There was a pause of several minutes after she’d been ushered into the Director’s office before he looked up from the reports in front of him and Esther could feel the sweat trickling down her back. She had no idea why she was here, what he wanted to know, but she couldn’t imagine that it was good. Then he looked up and his utterly humourless smile confirmed that impression.

“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Dr Roberts,” he said. “Please, close the door behind you.”

When she returned from doing so, he gestured to a chair in front of his desk. Once sitting down, not only was the chair short enough that he and the desk loomed above her, but the window to the bright desert was behind him, rendering him an ominous dark shape against the background.

“I understand that birthday congratulations are in order,” he said. “I only wish that was why I’d summoned you here today.”

Esther cleared her throat. “If I might ask, sir, why.?”

“You’re an invert, Roberts. A homosexual,” he said with a dripping kind of disgust and she felt her insides turn to ice. She’d been so careful, so very careful. She hadn’t even looked at another woman in Polvo, not really. “If you weren’t so valuable to the program, well, I don’t think we need to go into that,” he continued. “But I could do with a person to keep an eye on our Dr Grissom who reports directly to me. Who won’t have any question about exactly where her loyalties lie. Who knows exactly what will happen if she takes even a single step out of line…”

With every word, Esther could feel herself being crushed smaller and smaller. This had been exactly what she’d been afraid of. This had been why she should never have stepped even slightly out of line.

Sorry, she tried to apologise to Sally in words she could never say out loud. I’m so sorry for what I’m going to have to do.

She didn’t ask for proof. People as powerful as Donovan didn’t need it. Suspicion was enough.

“Yes, sir,” she said quietly.

“Good,” he said. “I trust I don’t need mention that any further acts of perversion will be treated very harshly.”

She mutely shook her head.

“I trust you can see yourself out,” he said and started leafing through his papers once more.

* * * * * * * *

“Are you alright?” Jack asked as soon as she entered the lab.

She tried to give him her patented smile, just a notch or two below normal. From the look on his face, she didn’t quite succeed. “Just a little under the weather,” she tried

“Oh,” he said, looking downcast. “I-uh, bad luck on your birthday.” He rallied. “Are you sure you should be in?”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “Just as well I have nothing planned, huh?” Jack winced, but she honestly thought that she might vomit if someone tried to bring birthday cake anywhere near her today.

Sally - Dr Grissom, Dr Grissom - looked over with concern in her eyes. “Are you sure?” she asked, coming over towards her.

“Really,” she said, giving her as utterly a plastic a smile as she could manage, and manoeuvred so that the lab bench stayed in between them. “I’m fine, Dr Grissom,” she said coolly and Dr Grissom flinched.

“Well, okay then,” she said and made her way back towards her desk. Jack looked confused until she glared at him and he got back to his work hurriedly.

All throughout the rest of the day, Dr Grissom occasionally glanced over towards her, but Esther wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She couldn’t be tempted, not now. And she couldn’t drag Sally down with her. She’d just turn the dial down on their friendship until it was what it had been, before all this. It was safer for everyone.

Besides, she couldn’t tell Donovan what Sally didn’t share with her.

Stupid. Stupid. She should have known this would happen.

But… she wasn’t out on her ear. She wasn’t ruined. She had a chance.

She would survive.

That was all that mattered in the end, wasn’t it?

It just would have been… nice… to have had a chance to live as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This being Ars Paradoxica, there are a few things going on behind the scene. Chapter 2 will delve somewhat into those events.


	2. Chapter 2

**Timeline 1**

 

<click>

 

"I'm really flattered," Sally's voice says, sounding amazingly awkward. "But..."

 

"You don't need to say anymore," Esther's voice interrupts. "Just, please... Oh, no..." The sound of sharp, jagged sobs starts.

 

The sound of someone getting up, moving. "It's not you. It's really not you," Sally's voice says. "It's, well, anyone. I just don't get that kind of vibe from anyone, male, female or anyone else."

 

The crying continues, hiccuping.

 

"Oh, god," Sally's voice says. "I'm really sorry about this," it continues, sounding a little desperate. "Can we still be friends? I really like us as friends. Who else am I going to have drunken discussions with about chronal physics?"

 

Esther's voice laughs wetly and the crying finally stops. There's the sound of a few deep breaths and someone swallowing. "Of course," Esther's voice says, hoarser than usual. "I'm sorry, I just got my hopes... I'm sorry for being such a mess."

 

"Hey, no problem," Sally's voice says, clearly trying to be comforting. "If you think this is the first time I've had a friend crying over me about a broken heart... well, you'd be right. But I've read books, seen movies! I can do this!"

 

Esther's voice laughs again. "Yes, Sally, I'm sure you can," it says, sounding fondly sceptical.

 

"Just... are you out to anyone else? Just so I know what I can and can't say in front of company. Jack, I'm guessing?"

 

"Out?" Esther's voice asks, sounding puzzled.

 

"Does anyone know you're?"

 

"No," Esther's voice says, sounding frightened. "No one else knows. No one else can know, Sally, please! You've got to keep quiet about this!"

 

"Okay, okay," Sally's voice says in a placating tone. "I get the idea. No one else knows. No one else can know. Loose lips sink ships and all that. Still... at least you can talk about it with me now, right?"

 

"Yes," Esther's voice says, soundly quietly pleased. "I guess I can."

 

<click>

 

"You can't tell me that you haven't had your eye on our dear electrician," Sally's voice says, sounding slightly slurred. "Meeeeeeercy."

 

"Hush," Esther's voice says, but it sounds happy.

 

"Ask her out," Sally's voice coaxes. "Throw some pins, or whatever that phrase is."

 

"Dropping some pins," Esther's voice says. "And I really shouldn't."

 

"Go for it," Sally's voice encourages. "Go, Esther! Go, Esther!"

 

"Hush," Esther says again, but then, "Maybe."

 

Sally's voice cheers.

 

<click>

 

"What do you think you're doing, dismissing Esther like that?" Sally's voice demands.

 

"I'd have thought it was completely obvious, Dr Grissom," Donovan's voice replies. "Dr Roberts was caught committing perversions. What else did you think I could do?"

 

"It was a kiss between two adults, goddamnit," Sally's voice snaps. "Not a perversion."

 

"Between two women," Donovan's voice says icily. "What has happened to her has been for the best. I'm sure she'll be appropriate grateful in due time."

 

"What do you mean? What have you done to her?"

 

"Had her committed for her own good, of course. There's been a lot of good work done on conditions like hers in the last few years."

 

"You- You can't do that!"

 

"What do you think I should have done - just dismissed her and hope that she'd kept quiet? Trust the secrets of ODAR to a sexual psychopath?"

 

"I'm... I'm going to go on strike. I'm not going to do any more work until you bring Esther back, here, where she belongs."

 

"Very well, Dr Grissom. Then I don't believe we have anything more to say."

 

<click>

 

"Donovan, when you get this -  Dr Roberts, Dr Grissom's assistant, is a sexual deviant...

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

**Timeline 2**

 

"... Deal with her before she becomes a problem."

 

<click>

 

"If you'll come this way, ma'am," Chet's voice says.

 

<click>

 

"Unfortunately, you've become a liability to the project," Chet's voice says.

 

The sound of a gunshot.

 

<click>

 

"... and I demand to know why you had one of your goons kill my best friend!" Sally's voice demands.

 

"Because she was a danger to the program," Donovan's voice replies.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"We found out that she was a spy."

 

"Esther?" Sally's voice says disbelievingly. "I don't believe it. And why wouldn't you tell me that to begin with?"

 

"Need to know," Donovan's voice says. "And you, Dr Grissom, did not need to know."

 

<click>

 

"... Dr Grissom has disappeared, taking her work with her," Donovan's voice says. "She had become increasingly disaffected ever since the execution of Dr Roberts..."

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

**Timeline 3**

 

"I suggest you take her into custody, and see if you can gather actionable intelligence about how to handle this best."

 

<click>

 

"If you'll come this way, ma'am," Chet's voice says.

 

<click>

 

"Yes, Roberts, I do know all about your deviancy and your 'friendship' with Dr Grissom. What I need now are details - times, places, conversations. And do not think for one moment that I won't know if you're lying," Donovan's voice says.

 

"Dr Grissom isn't queer. She's not like that!"

 

There's the sound of a slap. "Times, places, conversations!"

 

"It started the night of October 12th," Esther's voice says, low, defeated. "I'd finally mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt..."

 

<click>

 

"Luckily, I think we can nip this in the bud," Donovan's voice says. "Once I revealed that I knew about Roberts' deviancy, she was remarkably pliable. With any luck, we should even be able to get an additional lever to keep Dr Grissom in line..."


End file.
